Guide
Fuck Buddy Rules: 12 Rules That Keep It Fun
No strings doesn't mean no rules. It means a few good ones, agreed early.
The rule that matters most
The golden fuck buddy rule is honesty: agree what this is, and what it isn't, before you start. After that come protection, boundaries, discretion and kindness, and saying so the moment anything changes.
Grown-ups tend to be good at this. By your forties and fifties you've usually had enough complicated relationships to know the value of a simple one, and enough conversations to know that the awkward ones get easier when you have them early. These twelve rules are the ones that keep an arrangement easy, for both of you.
Before it starts
1. Agree what it is
Say it out loud: this is sex and friendship, not a relationship. If either of you is hoping it turns into more, now is the time to say so, not three months in.
2. Talk about protection and testing
Agree to use condoms, at least until you've both been tested and talked about it. NHS sexual health clinics test in confidence, free of charge, at any age. It's a two-minute conversation that every good arrangement starts with.
3. Decide if you're exclusive
Some fuck buddies only see each other; some see other people too. Either works, as long as you both know which it is, and you tell each other if it changes.
4. Agree how you'll get in touch
Texts or site messages? Weeknights only? Never at weekends? If one of you is attached or has a family at home, this rule matters more than any other.
While it's going well
5. Keep it out of each other's daily lives
No turning up uninvited, no meeting the family, no liking every post. The arrangement works because it sits to one side of the rest of your life.
6. Respect each other's boundaries
In bed and out of it. Ask, listen and take a no as a no, every time. A boundary that changes is fine; a boundary that gets pushed isn't.
7. Be discreet
What happens between you stays between you. No screenshots, no stories to friends that could identify them, no photos shared without a clear yes.
8. Don't keep score
If you've agreed you're not exclusive, jealousy has no place. If it starts creeping in, that's a sign to talk, not to sulk.
9. Be reliable
Turn up when you say you will and cancel properly when you can't. Casual is about the commitment, not about manners.
10. Check in now and then
Feelings change and so do lives. Every few months, ask: is this still working for you? It takes thirty seconds and saves a lot of hurt.
Keeping it fun, and ending it well
11. Keep it fun
The point is pleasure. Try new things if you both want to, laugh when it goes wrong, and don't let it become a chore you fit in between other chores.
12. End it kindly
When it has run its course, say so in a message rather than disappearing. Thank them, wish them well and, if you agreed to, delete what should be deleted. The way an arrangement ends is the part both of you remember.
Putting the rules into practice
You don't need a contract. A relaxed chat over a drink at the first meet covers most of it, and you can come back to the rest when it matters. If raising it feels awkward, the guide to asking someone to be your fuck buddy keeps it light, and our first meet tips deal with the night itself.
Keeping things discreet is easier on a site built for it. Read how members manage it on our page about keeping a discreet fuck buddy, or find out more about sex after 50, including the health side.
Fuck buddy rules: your questions
What are the rules of having a fuck buddy?
Agree what it is, use protection, decide if you're exclusive, agree how you get in touch, respect boundaries, stay discreet, check in now and then and end it kindly.
Can a fuck buddy turn into a relationship?
Sometimes. If your feelings change, say so honestly and let the other person answer freely. If they want to keep it casual, respect that or step back.
How often should fuck buddies meet?
As often as suits you both. Weekly, monthly or whenever you can both get away all work, as long as you agree it and neither of you is left waiting.
Should fuck buddies sleep over?
It's up to you. Some arrangements include breakfast and some end at the front door. Agree it early so nobody feels pushed out or kept on.
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