Guide

How to Ask Someone to Be Your Fuck Buddy

What to say, when to say it and how to make a no as easy as a yes.

The short answer

Ask plainly, kindly and in private: say you enjoy their company, that you'd like something casual with no strings, and that a no is completely fine. On a site built for no strings fun, half the work is already done, because everyone there wants the same thing.

The hardest part is the moment before you say it. The second hardest is choosing words that are clear without being crude. The rest of this guide covers both, with wording you can borrow.

Asking someone you've met online

On Old F-Buddy, the question is mostly answered before you ask it. Everyone joined a site for no strings fun, and every profile has room to say what kind of arrangement someone wants. Your job is to say what you want, check it matches, and suggest a next step.

Do it after a few messages, once you've had a proper back and forth, and before you meet. That way nobody turns up to a drink hoping for something the other doesn't want. Something like this works:

"I've enjoyed chatting. Just so we're on the same page, I'm after something regular and casual, no strings. Is that what you have in mind too?"
"I'm not looking for a relationship, but I'd love a lover I see now and then. If that appeals, shall we meet for a drink first?"

Asking someone you already know

A friend, an old flame or someone from your social circle is a bigger ask, because a no, or an awkward ending, touches the rest of your life. Before you ask, be honest with yourself: could you go back to being friends if it doesn't work? If the answer is no, think twice.

Read the signs first. Lingering looks, flirting that goes a step past friendly, them mentioning they're single and not looking for anything serious: all good signs. Steer clear of colleagues and anyone you rely on, such as a boss, a tenant or a friend's partner.

Pick a private moment, not a party, and keep it light:

"Can I say something a bit forward? I fancy you, and I'm not looking for a relationship. Would you ever want something casual? Honestly, if not, nothing changes."
"We get on so well, and I've wondered more than once what it would be like with you. No pressure at all, and no hard feelings if it's a no."

Make a no easy to say

The best way to get a yes is to make a no painless. Say upfront that nothing changes if they're not interested, and mean it. If they say no, thank them for being straight with you, change the subject and carry on as before. Never ask twice, never sulk, never make them feel they owe you an explanation.

If they hesitate, give them time. "Have a think, there's no rush" is a perfectly good way to end the conversation.

When they say yes

Lovely. Now talk about the basics while you're both relaxed: protection, whether you'll see other people, how you'll stay in touch and how either of you can call it off. Our fuck buddy rules have the full list, and our first meet tips cover the first evening together.

If you haven't found the right person to ask yet, our guide on how to find a fuck buddy over 50 starts at the beginning, and our page on older women looking for no strings fun explains who you'll meet.

What not to do

Don't ask by sending an explicit photo. On Old F-Buddy explicit photos are blurred until the viewer chooses to look, and out in the world they're simply unwelcome.
Don't ask when either of you is drunk. You want an answer you'll both stand by in the morning.
Don't dress it up as something it isn't. Pretending to want a relationship to get a yes is the fastest way to hurt someone.
Don't ask in front of others. It puts them on the spot and makes a no much harder.

Asking: your questions

How do I ask a friend to be my fuck buddy?

Privately and plainly. Say you fancy them, that you'd like something casual, and that nothing changes if they'd rather not. Only ask if you could stay friends after a no.

When is the right time to ask someone online?

After a few messages and before you meet, so you both arrive at the first drink knowing you want the same thing.

What if they say no?

Thank them for being honest, move on and don't ask again. A gracious no often leaves the door open as a friendship; a sulk closes it.

Is it rude to ask for something casual?

Not if you're respectful. Being honest about wanting something casual is kinder than pretending to want more.

Skip the awkward bit

On Old F-Buddy everyone already wants no strings fun. Say hello to someone near you.